We're Thankful For...Twitards Who Send Us Pictures!

Good friends...

Good drinks...

Good food...

Good times!!!

Turns out that it took a few days for many of us to recover from the mayhem and debauchery that was New Moon (er, or getting ready for New Moon...and after New Moon...) - present company included! So the photos kept coming in and we wanted to share the good times! I love that everyone looks so damn psyched in these pictures and is just beaming with excitement, anticipation, and liquor.

Tomorrow's Thanksgiving, so I'd like to take this slightly-early opportunity to say that here at Twitarded, we're thankful to have met (both in person and online) so many amazing, hysterical, kind, and generous women who make up this online community - enjoy! And if I missed some pics or mixed some up, I'm sorry!

The gift bags marked "JJ" and "STY" must be hidden in the back...

More goodies!

...and a little something to share with the S/Os!

Go Team!!!

(her shirt says "I'm fangable so bite me"!)

...and the more subtle "Team Edward shout -out.

The only team we love as much as Team Edward: Team Twitarded (sportin' flannel)!

They made flannel flask cozies just for the big night! Nice!

The Shiny Silver Volvo that SHOULD have been in New Moon (is nothing sacred?!)

Matching Mom & daughter Bella Jackets!

...they also made special tees for the occasion!

(I'll let you guess whose is whose...)

Fanpire and her daughter Isabella went to the Knoxville Premiere!

They had all kinds of cool set pieces and props there...


Plus Kristen & Taycob showed up and signed autographs - wooo!
Fanpire's pics look like mine and JJ's... Doesn't anyone stand still?!

"Now Playing" - yay!!!

Yet another party we didn't get invited to... (I kid, I kid...now send us party favors!)

LOVE the relabeling of the wine bottles - "Pass the Chateau Unlucky Hiker, please!"

Bloody delicious cupcakes - mmmmm...

We love girls who sparkle and are as pale as we are!

...and the ones who look even hotter than the real Rosalie!

Like there's really any question which side we're on!

I need this sippee cup. Really.

Pre-gaming with a couple of pitchers of margaritas = win!

mmMoxie & sister-Moxie workin' their Twitarded tees!

JJ and I didn't even see one of these - we're jealous!

Thanks for sharing all the good times with us - we can't wait to do it all over again in June - woooo!

P.S. If this post is fucked up or riddled with typos, I apologize - but I tried spell checking - TWICE - and both time fucking Blogger ate half of my pictures. That I had already deleted (and I never delete ANYTHING). And I had to go find again. Twice. And now I am late for Jenny Jerkface's birthday party and she's gonna kick my ass...

Exclusive Interview! RPattz Discusses Twitarded... er, Sort of.

I know! We were totally stoked when we found out that RPattz was flappin' his lips about us! And he didn't mention "restraining order" or "fucking batshit crazy" - not once!

The next thing you know, STY and I will be knocking back some cold Heinekens and sharing Hot Pockets and M&Ms with RPattz and KStew. Well, maybe not KStew because that bitch is skinny so I'm pretty sure she actually eats healthy food, unlike me. Oh wait: she's got a nineteen-year-olds metabolism. Anyway...

Woo hoooo! Twitarded is movin' on up in the world!

Riiiiight.

You know that saying "birds of a feather flock together"? Well, it's true. The following video was made by a friend of mine for my birthday. Oh, and it came in this envelope:


Hope you enjoy! This was made by someone who is probably totally baffled by my obsession but thinks it's funny anyway, and I nearly fucking died when I got to the end of the video. Feel free to shamelessly shit on it if you don't enjoy - just know the creator will be reading the comments. And "Angry" is a good mood for him. Just sayin'.



P.S. - If this fucking thing goes viral and we hit another shit storm of people who lack a sense of humor, I'm going to track down each and every person who leaves a snide comment elsewhere and leave an upper decker in their toilet.

P.P.S. The irony of the fact that the person who made this video inadvertantly chose the interview where the undies would have been whipped out had we been willing to part with them is SO not lost on me.

Twitarded in the News. Oh, and Announcing our Fundraiser for Bail Money...

Just kidding! About the bail money, anyway...

[Note - We will definitely talk about New Moon soon, I promise. We want to give folks a chance to see the movie before we start discussing which parts were awesome, which blew nuts and which were just plain fucking hokey.]

Until then... let's talk about our next favorite thing. Us! [Wow. I actually kind of wanted to punch myself for writing that. That took "Jerkface" to a whole new level of douchebaggery.]

With all the hype that has surrounded the opening of New Moon, it's of no surprise that there are a lot of media outlets eager to jump into the brouhaha. What IS surprising, however, is the fact that a few of these outlets wanted to talk to us. At first I was kind of suspicious - I mean, why the hell would anyone want to speak with the dildo-wielding, f-bomb dropping, anti-political correctness (and apparently anti-English, too) Twilight related website?

Inquiring minds want to know what you assholes have to say

As always, our curiosity and inflated sense of self-importance won out and we decided to chat with these reporters to figure this out. So, Snarkier Than You and I agreed to be on our best behavior [soooo hard] and answer some questions [note from STY: does the fact that I pre-gamed the interviews still mean I was on my best behavior?]. Plus, I wanted to see if it was physically possible for me to speak to another human being for longer than two minutes without saying "fuck". Turns out it is - just don't let Mommy (not a)Jerkface know. No sense in getting her hopes up.

We previously did a post about an interview we did with CNN but we were also lucky enough to speak with USA Today, the Washington Post and The Weekend Australian Magazine. Like CNN, they totally didn't make us out to look like a bunch of loony tunes and I thought all the articles were pretty fair and accurate. Obviously, since I don't have some kind of photoshopped "XYZ Magazine sucks a dirty dick!" banner floating around on this post they were all nice to us. Because, unlike them, I don't have to follow any journalistic ethics. Suhweet.

Here's a few excerpts from The Weekend Australian Magazine: [taken totally out of context and randomly, natch.]

Certainly, Twilight is not the first movie to have attracted a passionate cult following. But few fan groups have aroused such broad and savage hostility - from mainstream critics, feminists and, most revealingly, other fans - than the Twilight Moms and their more anarchic sisters.

For if there is one thing that is ironic about the Twilight saga, regardless of its clunking prose and passive heroine, it is that a romantic epic penned by a Mormon mother-of-three – in which the leading couple do little more than exchange passionate glances and careful kisses – has done so much to encourage women to celebrate sex. There is also something oddly inspirational about how, under fire from conservatives, its older fans have simply become louder, more plentiful – and funnier.

An excerpt from USA Today:

It has been three days since The Twilight Saga: New Moon opened, and it's increasingly obvious that adult – even mature – women are making as much noise as teen girls over this tale of a great love between a teenage girl and a vampire, with a few werewolf complications.

And an excerpt from The Washington Post:

People, be warned. "New Moon," the "Twilight" movie sequel, opens on Friday. Everyone is vulnerable.

One minute you're a functioning member of society, the next you're succumbing to the dark side, wondering how deep you're willing to go -- and what that longing says about you.

I have to admit that STY and I were a tad hesitant to do any of these interviews. We didn't want to misrepresent all of you and we knew that we were probably a target for some sensationalist-y reporting. Because, at the end of the day, most of the rest of the world doesn't really want to know that there are a bunch of sexually charged, racy, foul-mouthed women mostly over the age of 25 who aren't ashamed to be this way.

Fuck them.

In the end we decided that we wanted to do them because we wanted people to know that not only does this community exist, but that we're pretty fucking proud we do.

So, we hope we did you proud.

This has nothing to do with the actual post. I just love this picture. I'm such a whore.

And is Jerry Springer still around? I'd totally go on that show and cat-fight with STY...

I Can Do a Pro-Taycob Post Without Being Pervy... Really!

Good thing the vamps in Twilight don't have pointy fangs or I'd be confused...

I've been mulling this post over since I was still basking in the honeymoon-y glow of our New Moon viewings (both of them!)... Actually, I've been thinking about the subject matter in general since Taylor Lautner sealed the deal and was officially signed to New Moon way back when. At the time, I'll admit it: I had mixed feelings. Settle down, settle down - I was totally rooting for him! - and the other "original" wolf pack dudes, too - the same way I rooted for Rachelle Lefevre when she was in the process of being ousted. But there was a tiiiiiny part of me that would have been ok if the part of Jacob had suddenly been filled with someone less clean-cut looking. A hair older...and more...edgy. A tad dangerous looking, maybe. Less clean-cut. Did I mention less clean-cut and possibly slightly older? Like, "of "age"! Someone you'd believe could make some trouble. And maybe even win Bella's heart. Even though you knew who was gonna get her in the end (and if you don't, you really need to be reading the books and not this blog. Just sayin').

This photoshoot was a little bad-ass, admittedly...

I thought that I'd have a hard time buying Taylor Lautner's Jacob as the love interest opposite Robert Pattinson's Edward. But I am happy to admit that I was wrong. I will give the kid this much - he's a damn good actor, even if he does over-enunciate. I guess it makes up for KStew's propensity for mumbling, but that's neither here nor there. We'll get to that soon enough.

Granted, I'll never look at Taycob the way I look at Robward. And this is a good thing. I think. But it's ok to think that Jake is good-looking. Damn - we all know how hard he worked out to beef up for the role, and I say "Well done!" - If you're into that kinda thing... It's also ok if maybe you spontaneously and nearly inaudibly muttered "I'm going to jail..." to yourself the first time he ripped his shirt off in the movie (it's OK Latchkey Wife--your secret it totally safe with us!).

We're going to wait another day or so - or maybe until after Thanksgiving? - before we get into the details of the movie (we're anxious to get to it! if you have the means and haven't seen it by then, well...tough), but Taylor Lautner delivered. You felt his emotions and forgot that he played Shark Boy. He still might have look like a fish out of very clean, fresh water to me when I watched him with the other cast members during the promo-tour frenzy (let's just say you never wondered if he's just had a good shag and I will bet his hotel room was really clean and he probably made his own bed...with hospital corners), but he delivered the goods in New Moon. So no, I'm not switching teams - Team Edward Forever! Team Jacob Never! - but daaaaaang: he pulled it of! And he looked mighty fine doing it. For a boy of seventeen.

P.S. See?! I did it! I did an entire post without talking about his bronzed eight-pack or his pecs or his dazzling teeth that are pointier than any of the vampires or his...OK stopping now - quit while I'm ahead, right? I don't want to win a hot date with Chris Hansen, after all. Did I mention that he's got a nice smile? He does, you know. If I had a young gal pal, sister, or kid, I'd totally let her be Team Jacob. Er, maybe.

You know he'd come in to meet the folks and would have his date home by midnight...

[Note for me from JJ that I am posting even though - and maybe because - she threatened me with physical violence if I were to do so: He was good. Very good. But why the fuck were his teeth so white? And he did that weird noise thing with his mouth. You know how I can't FUCKING STAND people making weird noises with their mouths. But he did it a bunch of times. Oh, and he came off totally smug in some instances but I guess Jacob did too (if you post all of this I'm going to punch you in your cute little nose tomorrow, fyi, because I'm going to bed now) and his teeth were sooooo FUCKING white. What gives? Who the fuck has teeth that white? It's like he should be in a fucking milk commercial or something. You know, "milk - it does a body good." and then Taycob grins his dazzling smile and rips off his shirt and shows his six pack. Someone needs to give that goody-two-shoes a six-pack. In about four years.]

P.S. I viewed at waaaaay too many pics of Taycob's torso looking for pics for this post. When I got to the point where I was looking at a fan-made New Moon poster and realized I knew it was a photoshopped job because the navel, abs, and pecs were all wrong, I decided to call it a night.

New Moon Vampire SQUEEE!-kend Photo Mashup

Our gals muggin' for the camera.

Wow. It's done. The premiere weekend is o-v-e-r. Some of us have squeed our little hearts out, while others have been wringing their hands in anticipation to see the movie.

It's been a long and crazy few days for Snarkier Than You and me. We are totally burnt. This is honestly our first time doing something like this and we really had no idea what to expect, despite all our pathetic attempts at preparation (note to self: we have seven months to plan for Eclipse and make it muuuuch better).

One of the things we knew we wanted was to share this fucking craziness with all of you - and vice versa. So we asked for your pics. And, as always, you lovely bitches totally delivered.



I have to say, and I know STY agrees because she said the same thing - we are a fucking good looking group of Cougars, Pumas, old ladies whatever you want to call us. So, not only do all of you have wicked senses of humor, you're frigging hot, too. Oh, and holy shit do some of you have nice racks! Damn, I'm jealous.

Anyhoo, without further ta-do... Twitards at their finest.


P.S. - If you pic isn't up here or you want to submit one, shoot me an email. If we get enough responses we'll try to do another mash up.

LOVE these shirts...

Damn you. Totes choked on the wine when I saw the arrow.

I love the fucking shit eatin' grin on your face! You are SO excited!!

A tank top?! So unfair!! LOL!

This one was titled "New Moon bitches" and I narrowed it down to three people... and I got it right. Heh heh.

Yoganinjamama was a lucky bitch and got an autograph from the cute and adorable Embry Call (I'm too lazy to look up his real name because I suck).

Beeeeeer. Perfect with New Moon.

A unicorn usher, I think.

Beee-u-tiful makeup for the premiere.

I love this picture. Hubby is such a good sport!

These bitches totally didn't invite us to their party!! [They are also responsible for the banner picture at the top of this post. I WANT to be your friend!!!]

Cough**whore**cough. Just kidding. You know I puffy heart you.

A force so evil she emptied the theater...

See! I wasn't the only one drinking!!

A fake, pregnant Bella with blood. Proof I'm not the only inappropriate person out there...

Three things STY and I love more than life. Wine, Twilight and... us.

Twitarded Hangs Out With "The Hands Of Twilight"!

(photo from Kimbra's website - you all know what MY pics look like...)

When we learned that Kimbra Hickey - aka "The Hands of Twilight" - was going to be attending our New Moon premiere event, I was pretty psyched... Largely due to the fact that I had a plan:

YES! WIN!!!
(I meant to make a slightly larger logo for this photo op but ran out of time and ended up ripping apart my Twitarded keyring instead... I'll be at Zazzle getting a replacement soon but it was SO worth it!)

When we were finally let into the theater after waiting outside in the rain for hours, we all dashed up to the third floor to start collecting the goodie bags, freebies, and assorted gear that the Volturi Ventures team had amassed.

Guess which one of us is about 5' 2" and 95 pounds? And hadn't been standing in the rain the entire day? Need a hint? No??? She also knows how to cradle an apple better. Obvs. Looks easy, but...it's not. Well, maybe it is if you are flexible and delicate and have lots of practice... I don't think my thumbs go that way... I should have had JJ and her tiny meaty paws try this move!

There were a hairy few minutes where the line was moving MUCH slower than the escalator that was dumping people into a small-ish corral and people were starting to get a little smushed. Sister Snarky finally walked up to a theater employee and said in her best firm you-will-obey-me voice "You need to turn off the escalator RIGHT NOW or people are going to get hurt." and that seemed to get their attention. Crisis averted! But we were this close to ending up on the news as "The Great Twitarded Smush of '09" and it wouldn't have been pretty...

"The Twifan Corral" after things had settled down...

When we got out of that sticky situation, I made a beeline for Kimbra's table. She had an assortment of apples and other Twi-related items and someone had even made her a blown-glass pendant of hands holding an apple. She is totally adorable in real life (plus super-nice!) and was more than happy to play along when I asked her to hold our logo and then Mini-Edward! She was chatting to other people here and there and was not bothered that I was standing there fussing with her hands - I guess because she's a parts model, she's used to it... She even took a few pics of us with her camera for her Facebook page! Which is private... Like the rest of the world's is...

Did I mention that Kimbra's a REALLY good sport? She's almost as good of a sport as my husband has been this looong New Moon weekend - or "SQUEEE!-kend," as he dubbed it...

Check out her website - she's got an interesting faq page and had had her fingers, toes and assorted other parts all over the place! You can also check out THIS website - Roger Hagadone photographed the book covers for the Twilight Saga and when they were working on New Moon, they tried several version using Kimbra's hands before ultimately deciding to go with a flower...

Thanks, Kimbra, for helping to make this night special for all of us! Hope you had fun, too! : )

We've got a few more random Premiere-night stories for you and then we're going to get on to the the movie itself - hopefully by then everyone will have had a chance to see it (if it isn't out where you live yet, we're sorry - but we'll note spoiler posts when we get there).

The Thrill of Victory, The Agony of Defeat

Let's skip dinner and head straight to dessert...
(& thanks to TwiCrack Addict for the pics!!)

We're going to have to come right out and say it: we lost the auctions on Thursday night. But thanks to the most amazing group of people ever - all of YOU! - we walked in feeling like we had a real shot at winning! And we were close, armed with $3200 and change. But sadly, it wasn't enough to seal the deal... So why "victory," you ask? Because the night was so full of win that can't even stand it. I'm still a little freaked out! In a good way.

OK, I said "auctions" plural not "auction" - let me start by explaining that part of the night: we lost the auction we knew was going to take place, for dinner with Peter Facinelli. And then we lost an auction that we didn't even know that we were going to be bidding on - for a dinner with Kellan Lutz!

Oh and we were practically face-to-face when we lost them - they were RIGHT THERE in the movie theater at the time, no more than a dozen feet away from us. WOOOOO!!! When we got into the theater, we were waiting a while and they started some of the activities they had said were going to happen afterwards - raffles and stuff (which we also didn't win but one of our friends did!). There was word of "technical difficulties" (at which point JJ turned to me and said that if we didn't get to see New Moon NOW, things were gonna get ugly...). Happily, "technical difficulties" was secret code for "Kellan and Peter's limo is stuck in traffic" and after they started the bidding, they entered the room and my eardrums nearly exploded. I have no clue how the entire cast has managed to keep from going deaf. Really.

Here's a clip from the next day where Kellan is talking about the event on Jay Leno!



Honestly, we are such twatmonkeys novices that we totally botched the recording of the pre-movie action. Or I did... I spent the entire movie sitting there with my foot up my ass (not literally but if I coulda kicked myself a few times I would have...) because I never took the FlipCam out of my bag. The extent for our planning - despite the fact that we had been standing around for HOURS waiting for the moment to arrive - was JJ looking at me three seconds before the bidding commenced and saying "I want to do the bidding because I want to be really loud!" and I told her to go for it because I wouldn't have the balls (she wears the testicles in this relationship). So it didn't occur to me until later when it was over that I could have recorded the entire fucking thing. I suck and I am still mad at myself. ARG! I think that the introduction of the security dudes earlier and being warned to turn off and put away all of our recording devices or risk being arrested had me shaken up. That and the fact that it took me five full minutes to figure out how to turn my phone off (who turns their phone off anymore, really?). Oh and I rarely take pictures aside from snapping things here and there with my cellphone. Sadly, cellphone camera shutter-speed s-u-c-k-s and because those two guys are very animated and never once stood still for more than three seconds, all my pictures look like this:

Only I could somehow manage to dissipate the hottness of these two dudes (although c'mon - you can still tell that tell that they're hot even all blurry, no?).

I borrowed a few pics from TwiCrack Addict, who had her real camera out - yay!

Look! He's so freaking cute that he's actually got a sparkly aura! Or that might be cupcake on the lens...

I never really had a thing for Kellan Lutz. Until now...

I think JJ started filming the clip below after we were out-bid on our dinner with Peter Facinelli... He's really gracious and seems like just an all-around great guy! I'm really sorry that we won't be having the chance to chat over dinner. I'm even MORE disappointed after seeing him in person! Not to mention that more than a few of you left notes asking me to pinch and or smack his butt should we win [I would have never been able to do it! Well, maybe just one little "accidental" swat...].

After the bidding was over, I guess Kellan was feeling a little caught up in the moment because he offered himself up for auction, too! Well, for dinner with him, anyway. Although Peter noted that he's single and kisses on the first date - way to work up the bidders! I know it worked for us - we actually bid more for Kellan than we did for Peter - around $400 more... I'm bummed but relieved that I didn't have to come home and explain to Mr. Snarky why I looted our bank account for dinner with a smokin' movie star.



Also got this footage from our friend Mrs. OPattz, who apparently had her wits about her more than I did at the time... I was freaking out! Plus I drank a can of Red Bull before we walked into the theater and it wasn't helping my panic-attack-y feeling much - oops... This is us (er, and some other folks...) bidding on Kellan - I really thought we had this one for a while there!



I'm hoping that when the TwiMoms post their footage, everyone will get to see the entire auction. The part where Kellan fixed a stare on JJ and said "I love you." was fucking priceless and I would put it on a loop if I could!

Here are a couple of other vids of the event that I tracked down on YouTube - some of them are LOUD (you've been warned about the screaming)! Be careful or your ears will feel like ours did after this night! I think the people who took these must have been sitting in the rows in front of us. Sadly, I can't find any clips of the "I love you" part, but we'll get it sooner or later...

P.S. Sorry if this post is all over the place! I'm still a tad flustered. : )